18.08.09 | Different.

It has now been one week since I have returned home and DLA has really drifted across the country to its various origins. I am not going to lie it has been fairly more difficult leaving these friends...these family members, and knowing (whether I want to admit it or not) that I may never see many of these people again. Even the ones that I did not commune with as much or whatever, their lack of presence is there. I can feel the absence. When I first traveled back to my hometown of Steamboat, I thought that maybe the feelings and emotions might evaporate of the longing of these people to still be in my life, yet it does not really seem to be that way. I mean sure I have gathered myself and living life and not looking back, but the thought still remains. The silence exists, where for the past eight months noise has lived. The noise of people whom I never thought I would love at first, yet have come to realize that I cannot live without. I am so grateful for the time spent with each and everyone of them. You all mean so much and I love each one of you as if you were my blood family.

So anyways, it has been about a week now, a little more I guess since I have returned. What to say? Well it is different for sure. It is hard to find people, especially my age or just really anyone to talk about God and issues of spirituality with around here. The conversations that last late into the night are in seemingly tiny supply here. The ones that won't let you sleep because of the challenge and thoughts that have provoked a desire to continually grow and seek the Lord in everthing of life. It is weird leaving the place that I have lived in for so long and returning with a totally new set of lenses on my eyes so to speak. Seeing not necessarily how the town or scenery has changed but to see how people live their lives. How they speak to eachother. How they worship the Lord. It is weird. It is different than I have so easily become accustomed to. Not necessarily that it is bad, just different. I do though see a need for the ideas of this town, especially in the young people to be changed towards the Lord. The youth ministry that I came from now is the remnants of a regular youth group of fun and relativity....not the spiritually challenging, worshipping place of where I spent the majority of my high school days. It's different. I want so desperately to see the Lord wreck these students lives for Him. To give all that they have in surrender to him. I want God to wreck them like he did with me. To come crashing into their lives with such force that they have no choice but to bow down in worship and surrender all of them to His will. Not only for this youth group and young people here but for everyone in this town that is so overrun by the world and such negativity. This was one of the first things that stood out to me while being back thus far is the amount of negativity and sarcasm people have when conversing with eachother. I know this is due to the fact that I have been in an environment void and absent of most anything negative and hurtful. I want to get to the place not only with everyone but myself included to where only life spills forth from my lips. The Bible says the tongue has the power of life and death. It is like a double edged sword. I want to cut people with my words, but kind ones. Encouraging, life breathing words. Words that sink into them and build them up so that they may know they are wanted and that more importantly they know who God says that they are. Ephesians 4:29.

Life is sure different being back here. I feel like I am on missions honestly. I guess this is how I was always meant to see everyone and everything I knew. As a missions field. I do not need to travel half way around the world to find people without hope and love. It's right here. It always has been. I am going to pray for and love everyone so hard. I am going to sacrifice of myself. For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain. God is going to change things here I believe and do a miraculous thing. I know it. With God all things are possible. I know this.